My Inconvenient Life

Apple’s Bold Product Placement in It’s Complicated

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:06:53 -0500

Apple’s Bold Product Placement in It’s Complicated

Avoid Dart Wobble With Glenn Dart Man

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:48:51 -0500

Huh. You know what. It isn’t too soon. Just as long as we...

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 09:44:56 -0500

Huh. You know what. It isn’t too soon. Just as long as we can all agree that child beauty queens with bitchy faces don’t DESERVE what happens to them. Especially if that happening is a a rape/murder.

molls:

steveagee:

OK, just one more from the Bounty. I love the pics I got!

A Post Explaining Recent Changes: Back Into Production We Go

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 12:40:00 -0500

Hello People who either read my blog at ReadItOrDon’t.com or see my RSS-imported blog posts on my Facebook wall, how are you doing?

I’m doing OK, all things considered. My panic at having to leave the state of New York due to poorness has subsided as I managed to secure a job that - as it appears now - should be able to keep me around into the spring.

Even though the job mostly exists on a trial basis until the end of December, I’m currently the Animation Coordinator for MTV’s 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom. Teen Mom just premièred this week and did pretty well for itself [link: Futon Critic].

That’s right, I’ve finally been swallowed by the Viacom Permalance Machine. We all knew it was coming, and now it’s here.

This means that I’m in a full-on production job, even if it is mostly work at a post-production facility. I’ve been doing a lot more production recently as I discovered the online film journalism racket to be driving me to the poor house. It’s not that I didn’t love working on film news and I certainly had a lot of non-romantic goggly eyes for my peers in the field I got to meet.

If you have some spare time to check out all the links in this post, I highly recommend THIS episode of the /Filmcast After Dark. I credit it with a big wake-up call. Critic and AV Club writer Mike D’Angelo talks about how film bloggers do reviews for $10 a 500-word post versus his old job writing $2/word reviews for Entertainment Weekly. Literally, the same amount of criticism can be farmed out for 1/100th of what it used to be. I heard that and thought: Damn. I’m going to be screwed if I stick to freelance telecommuting.

I began to Tweet, Facebook and e-mail “panic hormones” into the online ether when I realized I wouldn’t be able to support my rent on the meager Brand Ambassadorships and occasional online work. There was just nothing consistent except for my bills and that lead me right out of Film Journalism and back into my good old standby: production.

I don’t think I’m out of film journalism forever, but the next few months will mostly be focused on line drawings of pregnant teenagers and making sure I know how to use AVID (most accurate quote so far: “Final Cut is like driving an automatic; Avid is an old manual, you have to put it in gear”).

I did squeeze some interesting stuff out of myself while I was teetering on the edge. In case you haven’t checked out ALL’S FAIRE the Renaissance Fair webseries, you should do that NOW by clicking HERE. My credit is “Camera Assistant” which is vaguely accurate, I suppose. I’m more psyched that I got to use my only headshot, which makes me look like an evil supervillain.

I shot something for a company and product you’ve heard of, but I can’t tell you who the company is or what product I was hawking when I played a pizza delivery boy. Chances are you’ll never see it, but - HEY! - it was fun. And you bet it’s going on one of my resumes.

I AD’d for a Kid Cudi music video called “Pursuit of Happiness.” You can see it by clicking HERE. Look for my brief cameo as a bus boy:

To play that bus boy, I squeezed in to 29” black pants that you don’t even see, though it did result in THIS TWEET.

Anyway, who knows what the future holds for Dave?. Not me…Dave.

BUT! I do love production work and I’m still trying to gain traction on two of my own projects as well as looking to produce a short film in February and possibly another one in the spring.

It’s nice to be making things again, since - ultimately - that’s what I want to do: make things.

Thanks to all of you that put up with my jobless bitching and woe-making. You’re all troopers.

MORE LINKS OF DAVE and DAVE-RELATED AWESOMENESS:

Slamdance has officially released it’s schedule. The third film, Four-Faced Liar is part Brillhart/Gonzales! Wish us luck in the film program, and here’s hoping you’ll see Jess and I in Park City, Utah around January 21st. If you haven’t seen any trailer for Four-Faced Liar you can get more info on the film HERE.

Even though I missed it when it was first published, The LA Times wrote up the Gossip Girl/NYU posts I do with LoquaciousMuse on All Things FanGirl. Too bad we’re in a 4 month GG haitus.

If you haven’t downloaded my Joke Dance album, the direct download of Ho-Bep is HERE.

Oh, and go see Mystery Team at the Quad on 13th st and 6th Ave if you’re in New York.

If you’re in CO, I’ll see you around the 21st…I think.

The Saddest State-Wide Vote of the Aughts

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 14:55:59 -0500

The Saddest State-Wide Vote of the Aughts

“Loose Lips (DEMO)” By Citizen Nowhere

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:27:22 -0500

“Loose Lips (DEMO)” By Citizen Nowhere

A Brief Interview with my brother, Kevin Gonzales [VIDEO]

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 14:48:12 -0500

A Brief Interview with my brother, Kevin Gonzales

[VIDEO]

THE BALLAD OF DAVE GONZALES Yes, I’ve been really...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:39:08 -0500

THE BALLAD OF DAVE GONZALES

Yes, I’ve been really confusing as of late. Between the emotional freak out of 11/19/09 to cryptic suggestions that I might be moving.

I’ll sum it up quick: I’m poor, and if I can’t get a job in about three weeks, I’ll be moving in January.

Good? Good.

Otherwise, here’s a good reason why I’m posting this track:

You might have noticed a description much like this on WhatIMadeInsteadOfMoney.com, where Jess Frantz and I have released a short, joke hip-hop/dance record (you can download it there for FREE, now).

The second HOB album will be flying at you with songs our group of friends made just for the sake of making songs, and I’m calling for submissions. If you want to.

The above “Ballad of Dave Gonzales” was written by Sir Elliott Goldbaum who was recording under the name The Doric Order for awhile. This track may not be on the final release, but a Doric Order song will for sure.

Why contribute your songs you made just for the f*ck of it? Because the WE MAKE SONGS SOMETIMES EP will be distributed in PHYSICAL DISC FORM as in: No Internet Downloads.

If you want to hear any of it, your best chance is to submit something, otherwise you just have to hope that you’re on the list Jess and I will make and have a very pretty disc personalized for you.

Because Eta Theta Beta is about making music because it’s fun, dammit.

Submit to me via e-mail at dave.m.gonzales(at)gmail.com.

If you want, you can even rap over one of my samples, like this one: LISTEN LINK, DOWNLOAD LINK.

Come on! Participate! It’s fun to make songs sometimes.

Friendsgiving VI edited moments. Cross posted from Facebook.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 12:57:36 -0500

Friendsgiving VI edited moments.

Cross posted from Facebook.

First Come Services HR Is A FreeCreditReport.com Scam

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 12:08:08 -0500

The Job Listing:

We need an administrative assistant to help manage this fast paced company. Job Responsibilities:

- Answering and screening phone calls for the CEO.

- Clerical work including copying, faxing and filing of all documents.

- Arranging all appointments and meetings

- Greeting all clients in a professional and polite mannerism.

- Greeting visitors and checking their identification.

$45,000 starting & 2 wk vacation and paid benefits.

So I applied and received this e-mail in return:

Hi Dave,

I see that you are interested in the job we posted on Craigslist. After reviewing your resume, we decided that we’d love to have you on our team! Let me tell you about the location. The hours are 10am to 6pm and we are located by Battery Park. The starting salary is $45,000 with 2 weeks paid vacation, sick days, and much more which will be discussed during the interview.

Before we schedule an interview, I need you to do a free credit check through our affiliated company. Go to this link ( http://twurl.nl/zg00lq ) and get your credit report, we will be automatically notified. Let me make a few things clear, we are NOT judging your credit score, nor do we get access to your private information. We do understand that a lot of people have less than perfect credit and financial problems, that’s the whole point of them applying for a job, right? Secondly, this absolutely CANNOT be worked around. It is mandatory! We deal with EXTREMELY sensitive data involving personal finances, investments, and retirement funds. Think of it this way, would you want the employees handling your financial information to get properly screened? I’m sure your answer would be yes!

If you do not agree with taking the credit check, please do not bother e-mailing to work around it, your e-mail will not be acknowledged. Also, please do not ask if you can bring in your own copy of the credit check or take the credit check during the interview. I hope you can understand!

Thank you,

Heather Clarke

And, after finding the link lead to FreeCreditReport.com, my response to “Heather:”

Hi Heather,

You think with all the catchy FreeCreditReport.com commercials, you guys would be bringing in enough business that you could avoid having to fool people on Craigslist into using your service.

I understand that my e-mail will not be acknowledged because I didn’t sign up for my free credit report (plus my automatically enrolled $14.95/month membership program charged to my credit card with no prior notification) mostly because I’m well aware that you will NOT be “automatically notified” because that process would be illegal without my written consent, which you do not have.

For a job that was asking for an administrative assistant that was handling “EXTREMELY sensitive data involving personal finances,” your application process seems a lot more like a scam that will charge me, the unemployed applicant, $15 dollars a month to monitor credit that is only getting worse because of scams like this.

On the off chance that First Come Services HR is a real company, despite your seemingly non-existence during a Google search, I thought I’d send along this helpful information, should you actually want people’s credit report. This is pasted directly from the fine print on the first page of FreeCreditReport.com, to which you linked:

FreeCreditReport.com is not affiliated with the annual free credit report program. Under federal law you have the right to receive a free credit report from each of the three nationwide consumer credit reporting agencies once every 12 months. To request a credit report under that law, go to www.annualcreditreport.com

As in: how dare you think I was stupid enough to sign up for a scam-billing service, then tell me there is absolutely no way around using FreeCreditReport.com. Thanks for wasting 20 minutes of my week.

Sincerely,

Dave Gonzales

agentmlovestacos: @StarWars Facebook Status. lololol via...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:17:05 -0500

agentmlovestacos:

@StarWars Facebook Status. lololol

via jedigrrrl:

theforce:

Star Wars Facebook Status

(via collegehumor)

Instead of my usual lashing out at these folks, tragically...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:28:00 -0500

Instead of my usual lashing out at these folks, tragically caught tempting sap during the Bush Administration and 2008 election only to find it’s hardened into amber around them, I thought I’d take a more positive approach:

I wish I could give these folks a box-cutter then debate them to the point of them assaulting me. At least then, they’d have a felony on their record and be unable to vote.

Although that plan would be much better if I was black, I guess. For that added poetry.

[VIDEO]

Eta Theta Beta - HO-Bep

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:30:02 -0500

Eta Theta Beta - HO-Bep

I’m holding a suit and trying to get Consequence (guy who...

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 10:07:00 -0500

I’m holding a suit and trying to get Consequence (guy who is filming) to sign his release so we could wrap.

I do like being a Where’s Waldo in a seemingly unrelated video though.

[Video]

My Cock & Fox Dartboard

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:48:58 -0500

My Cock & Fox Dartboard

Photo

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:06:44 -0500

I think this video sums up the Republican’s commitment to...

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:58:17 -0500

I think this video sums up the Republican’s commitment to Health Care debate pretty well: They are dicks.

[VIDEO]

I just discovered Pomplamoose and they are pretty cool.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:02:21 -0500

I just discovered Pomplamoose and they are pretty cool.

Video: MA man fired for belief in traditonal marriage This guy...

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 19:21:29 -0500

Video: MA man fired for belief in traditonal marriage

This guy is an idiot. He got fired for being a dick to his boss not for having a belief, not for being a Christian.

It’s like approaching your black boss and telling him/her: “I’m really concerned that you keep talking about your kids riding the school bus with white kids because you’re a lesser type of human.”

So yeah, fuck this guy in every way possible. And (I’ve only said this once before, when I got my robot on discount) YAY Brookstone.

Good Examples As To Why The Old Archives Are CLOSED

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:19:44 -0500

I’ve been blogging for personal reasons for awhile. Since about 2002, I think. Since then, nary a week has gone by without me vomiting my thoughts onto the internet in some sort of way. Recently, Facebook and Twitter centralize enough of my content that you can choose what Da7e insanity to bob in and out of.

It used to be oh-so-centralized at DaveRocksTheUniverse.Peachsoda.com, DRTU for short, where I would type loads of nonsense into the ether.

Then, the site got popular and the bots descended on the comments section. I had to delete all the comments to stop them and lost a lot of contributions from friends and family.

Anyway, when the “great transition” from DRTU to ReadItOrDont.com happened, I locked off the old archives. That way I can get a job without all my pre-professional blogging clouding the judgement.

And, as my friend Nate has been reminding me. There is good reason why these archives we closed off. Using selective quotes, Nate has reminded me that I didn’t hold back on the craziness I pushed into the blogosphere. This was pre Google Blogsearch, so I thought I was privately talking to a select few, not blasting to the masses.

Facebook Message from Nate:

hey. is there any way to gain access to the archived DRTU content? i’d like to look at some old posts.

Then, he started pulling quotes:

Since “coffee” and “toilet” are not two words that are commonly grouped in free-association, it really looks like I take horrible shits the viscosity of coffee then leave them in my toilet for long periods of time - long enough to leave the brownish-black loop that resides there now. I don’t even know if we own a toilet brush. I know we have sponges and gloves, but that’s why I fear cleaning the toilet.

-Dave Gonzales

And:

I grabbed my current reading (All The President’s Men), and headed into the bathroom. I had been holding this piss/shit off for awhile. While reading, my groin sensed some moisture.
Was I pissing out of the toilet? I was sitting.
I looked down.
I had sat in such a hurry as to take up only the front 3/4ths of the seat. I had pissed so hard into the porcelain that the urine had rebounded, misting my groin.

-Dave Gonzales

So, yeah. Thanks for that reminder, Nate.