The Ex-Files Revisited

Remember that one time I was on Nerve.com? They took away the article from what’s left of the site (thank God).

Remember when I was a lothario? I kinda do. 

I also saved some of the general douchebag-attitude from the interview in the form of an old Facebook Note:

Nerve.com has featured myself, Kate Kuen and Alex Wallace in their photo-essay series “The Ex Files” where a current couple is photographed and questioned with an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend present.

One of my Twitter friends asked me if I was concerned that this would limit my prospective dating pool. My first answer was: “what pool? There’s a pool? I’m choosing, not just catching whatever fate throws my way?” and my second was “No.”

In all honesty, the article could have made me look worse. The only problem I have with it is a truncated quote from me. Here is how it appears:

I had a thing for actresses, and Kate was beautiful and seemed to fall for a lot of the bullshit I would spout. I love being in a sage-like position with women. I’ve always wondered if I still harbor some sort of complex and repressed emotion, or if Kate wearing low-cut shirts is just always going to get me to look. (I hope Alex understands.) Could [I] get closer to those magical orbs I was denied all that time ago? You know how you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone? Well try having it shoved in your face with big boobs and fantastic lips for months, nay, years after your own mistake became apparent to you.

That’s not how I talk, that’s how I write. There is usually a difference. The phrase I have a problem with, the one that makes me look like a bigger asshole than I am is “I love being in a sage-like position with women.”

That’s not something I would necessarily say. Here it is as I wrote it:

QUESTION: How did you meet your ex?

Answer: She lived in the dorm room a few floors up. She knew some people on our floor, and specifically our room was always filled with booze from my roommate who was a functioning alcoholic (I’m being honest, no fair judging me now!). I have/had a thing for actresses and Kate was around, beautiful and seemed to fall for a lot of the bullshit I would spout, bullshit I was probably labeling truth or philosophy. It all hinged around one night that we stayed up late talking and bonding. My memories of that night are pulled taut between “being a good friend” and laying the groundwork for a sexual conquest. I think she came down because she had received some bad news about something that was happening at home. There were a few of these crises at the time and I love being in a sage-like position with women. Not to mention those who are really attractive. Her blog has a more-fond memory:

“an eternal appreciation for dave and morgan, my saviors (one in my general definition, the other, just because she looks after me, specifically). kindness and the need to protect are funny things…just so innate in some people, and i’m not used to it being such, it is generally earned through respect, utter closeness, etc, but when its automatic, i can’t help but be amazed.dave and i talked about everything and nothing with a rather satisfing soundtrack of old school goo goo dolls followed up by…chipmunks??? dave: apparent newfound respect…curiosity turned to lots of respect and further curiosity. stayed up til 6:30 in the morning talking to him…was not typical male and didn’t even think to assume implications that others would by this action. i don’t even know what we talked about specifically, high school, family, virginity, here, frustrations (is everything really a sexual innuendo now???argh!), just…stuff. i am still laughing about his excuse for not putting ari in an “uncomfortable”, sock on the door, situation: springs slowly descending onto his head with the knowledge that he’s putting his poor bunk bed roomie underneath that. the special effects made it all worth it, with a little “this is my highest note, this is my lowest note” rendition, i couldn’t help but be entertained.”

So I guess we both felt that the pull was partially sexual and partially, I’m not sure… displacement? It was freshman year of college after all. Though the answer to the next question will always inform the answer to this one.

The next question was “Why did you break up?” and that’s one of those stories I don’t tell on the internet.

When the story is told from both sides like that, it makes the “sage” thing a little less pompous, I think. It’s not that I always like being in a “sage-like” position with women, it is that Freshman year there was emotional crisis on both sides of the relationship. I’ve certainly grown beyond the point of using drama to bond and try not to trick people with the illusion that I know something about them or about the world that surrounds us.

Just thought I’d fill out that phrase before I’m labeled sage-like in my narcissism, which wouldn’t even make sense.

So. Yeah. This is what I was thinking about for some reason with Valentines day approaching. Who knows why? Maybe I’m a masochist.

Check out what pictures are left on Nerve.com HERE.