September 2011
5 posts
"Suffrage"
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM
Two guys watch the news, sitting on a couch, drinking coffee and juice.
Jim: I am so happy I have a job.
Dale: Seriously.
Jim: Could you imagine trying to get through all this political posturing on a week-to-week basis?
Dale: What?
Jim: I mean, watching the news everyday and watching these idiots talk about things they'll never do, knowing that their next stupid decision could be, like, the end of my income.
Dale: I don't think you'd watch the news if you were unemployed.
JIM: All I did when I was unemployed was news and X-box...and Law and Order. But it was unavoidable in those days.
Dale: I don't find the news interesting. I'll watch the Daily Show but, it's, like, it's too hard to tell how serious everything really is when everything is treated like it's an apocalypse.
JIM: It doesn't matter, man, the government is broken.
Dale: Saying that doesn't fix anything, though. You have to, like, vote and shit.
JIM: Voting doesn't fix anything.
Dale: Sure it does. It makes the politicians responsible to the people.
JIM: In theory...but in practice...Let me punch you in the face.
Dale: Why? No. I mean, No, what are you talking about?
JIM: No, come on, let me punch you in the face. I'll give you-
Jim pulls out his wallet. He puts $5 on the table.
Dale: No. Five bucks isn't enough.
Jim puts a $20 on the table
JIM: Twenty-five bucks.
Dale: Why? Why do you want to punch me in the head so badly?
Jim looks into his wallet. Puts another $20 down.
JIM: Forty-five bucks to punch you in the face, no questions asked.
Dale: I broke my nose like that in high school, man. Just tell me-
Jim gets up and leaves the room.
Dale: - why? Why? Dude? Is it because I told you to vote?
Jim is back with his checkbook. He's writing a check.
JIM: Here. One-thousand dollars. I will pay you one-thousand dollars to punch you in the face.
Jim rips off the check and hands it to Dale. Dale looks down at the check.
Dale: And I get to take this and the cash if you can punch me in the face.
Jim plucks the check out of Dale's hand and puts it on the pile of cash.
Dale: Fine.
Dale sits up straight. Jim sits down next to Dale.
Dale: Just try to-
POW! Jim punches Dale right in the nose, re-breaking it and sending blood spilling down his face. While Dale holds his face in pain, Jim picks up the check, rips it in half, then stuffs the money and ripped check into his pocket.
He turns and looks at the TV as if nothing happened. Drinking some juice out of a glass.
Dale: Ah! FOOK! MAH NAASE!
JIM: That's what voting is. Except you get a sticker that let's you act like you're better than people.
END
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