Read It Or Don't

Few tidbits.

- I’m pretty sure this is mostly about a nickname. It’s odd to me that so much trouble came along with a nickname I pulled off Community. Whomever wrote that Community joke is to blame, right?

- I do not, nor will I ever, support leopard print breasts.

- I think I’m good, but if I get retroactively fired because of this, it will be because someone who isn’t me brings up something that wasn’t a big deal in front of someone with power in a stressful situation.

- Gotta teach myself new Twitter etiquette in my brain, I guess.

Pants. At one point or another we’ve all worn them.

More specifically, we’ve worn a pair of pants. Not a set of pants but a pair of pants, which begs the question, what is a pants? If we are wearing pairs of pants what would a singular pants be?

What is a pant?

You see the pants we wear are one unit, unlike a pair of socks which comprise two separate units of sock. A literal translation of a pair of a plural implies a total count of four individual units, which a pair of pants does indeed posses.

If you examine your pants you will find that each pants leg is composed of two halves, the front and back, which are sewn together to form what is called a pants leg. When this unit is coupled with a second pants legs a pair of pants is created. Therefore if a pair of pants is the whole entirety of joined pant units, each quarter of pants is a pant. We wear four pant, or a “Pair of pants.” Knowing this we can begin to break down the misuse of pant based terminology.

Let us first examine men’s typical garments.

Shorts; so called due to their status as shorter in length than that of usual pants, are effectively half pants.

Chaps are an interesting departure from the normal in that they are each one pant joined together making them a pair of pant. Simple enough.

Women’s garments are a bit of a challenge.

First we have the skirt. Two double wide pant units coupled together, making it a pants, unipants, or bipant . Technically we could call it a pantset, due to its nature as one coupling of pant.

A mini-skirt is a shorts, unishorts, or bishort.

A wrap, or sarong, being but a singular unit would be called a pant.

A towel across the waist after a shower is a short.

A towel wrapped across the entire torso, so as to conceal the breasts would be a high short, or torso concealing unishort.

I refuse to acknowledge the existence of the “skort” because I think it’s stupid.

The dress is more akin to a long shirt than a high pants, though if the dress is composed of four units and has sleeves, it might be considered a quradrapants. Perhaps a shint.

Lets recap:
Pant = One quarter of a pair of pants. Pants = Two pant coupled together to form a pants, or pants leg. Pair of pants = Two pants. Chaps = One pair of pant. Shorts = Pair of half pants. Capris = Pair of three quarter pants. Skirt = One pants / Unipants / Pantset / Bipant. Mini-skirt = One shorts / Unishorts / Shortset / Bishort. Sarong = One pant. Towel = One short. Dress = Shint. Skort = Get a life.

Editing the podcast together and this is the closing track.

Art Vs Science is the jam of the week.

Hello! My sincere apologies that it’s taken so long for “Proposals” to reach this point — with a post-production team scattered across the country, an oblivious director new to the process, and the constant interference from obnoxious distractions like “jobs” and “crippling laziness,” it’s taken an inordinate amount of time for us to put the finishing touches on our 22-minute short film.

But here we are, the movie is finally as finished as it’s ever gonna be, and we’re ready to show this thing to the (extraordinarily patient and attractive) people who made it possible. Hooray? …Hooray!

“Proposals” will be screening at Anthology Film Archives on Tuesday, May 24th at [REDACTED] (followed by a brief and absurdly uncomfortable Q&A, and then drinks at a nearby bar). Anthology Film Archives is the sexy square brick building on the corner of 2nd Ave. and 2nd street. If you’d like to come, please RSVP to [REDACTED FOR BLOG POST, YOU SNEAKY FOLK]. You’re welcome to bring whomever you like, but because of a strict seating capacity I’d ask that you include your # of guests with your response.

For those of you who can’t make it, we’re hoping to have other screenings closer to your neck of the woods soon, so stay tuned for that. Also, we’ll be sending out our Kickstarter reward packages in the near-ish future, so for many of you that means a copy of the film will be delivered directly to your inbox. 

Eternally enormous thanks for your support and patience - we can’t wait (any longer) for you to see the movie! Hope to see you on the 24th! - David