Read It Or Don't

I solemnly swear that I deem this brief article about ABC’s stupid V promotion to be Lost spoiler-free. Good read through to find out what happens when a show nobody liked in the first place made itself annoyingly disruptive during a show with a loving fan base.

For shame, ABC. This is the sort of thing that pisses me off because it’s just communication. Working on 16 & Pregnant during the MTV re-brand, we were told and then CONTINUED TO WORK WITH the network concerning when the show’s “bug” (logo in the bottom right) could and could not expand across the screen. Occasionally we have subtitles and we actually thought about how advertising during our show could obstruct those subtitles and mess with our story.

Apparently, no one at ABC cross-checked their V promotion with their most popular show.

Network FAIL.

on JetBlue. I basically just watch SVU and all the Real Housewives except OC because that whole cast is so spiritually broke it’s retardo. They don’t even make me LOL. If I catch RHOOC, I’m all, “Ugh! These bitches are whack! I feel dirty!” the whole time and that just isn’t that fun for me to…

Molls was in New York and I was too busy working on 16 & Pregnant to track her down like a creepy blogger stalker. 

But at least she finally got to see 16 & Pregnant…which went over about as well as I’d expect it would with Molls.

Is it odd I’m kind of talking at this Los Angeles internet blogging presence? A little. It feels a little odd.

But no more odd than an enema, and that shit clears you out!

Jack 
1. Gather ingredients 
2. Point gun at ingredients and shout “HOW DO I MAKE A SANDWICH OUT OF YOU?!?!” 
3. Breathe heavily through your nose as though you were about to hit ingredients 
4. Give up and make the sandwich yourself, and eat it bitterly 

Kate 
1. Make separate sandwiches, one with peanut butter and one with jelly 
2. Take a bite of the peanut butter sandwich, declaring it the best 
3. Take a bite of the jelly sandwich, declaring it the best 
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 ad infinitum 
5. Follow peanut butter or jelly sandwich into grave danger 

Sawyer 
1. Throw the jar of jelly at wall, sneering “I don’t need no sandwich” 
2. Call the mascot on the jar of peanut butter lots of clever nicknames 
3. Huff and puff and stomp around and grumble a lot 
4. When no one’s looking, make perfect, even, symmetrical peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sit in a corner, enjoying every bite 

Locke 
1. Sit idly by, believing that the ingredients will find a way to make a sandwich out of themselves 
2. Lose faith and make the sandwich anyway 
3. Realize that you were the instrument by which the ingredients chose to make a sandwich after all 
4. Run around the room and grab everyone’s knives, insisting that their sandwiches will do the same in time 

Hurley 
1. Make sandwich 
2. Eat sandwich 
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 ad infinitum 

Sayid 
1. Procure 23 milligrams of uranium-20 
2. Set hadron supercollider to eight megajoules 
3. Program a sandwich-making macro using Cobol or Visual Basic 
4. Act all tough-like 

Desmond 
1. Eat sandwich 
2. Call the sandwich “brother” 
3. Place peanut butter slice over jelly slice 
4. Spread jelly on the other slice 
5. Spread peanut butter on one slice 
6. Take two slices of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly 

Ben 
1. Steal someone else’s sandwich 
2. Claim you coerced them into making the sandwich for you all along 
3. Say you’ll tell them everything if they make you another sandwich 
4. Stare at them all creepy-like 

Libby 
1. Lay out plans for one of the most intricate, fascinating, and delicious sandwiches of all time 
2. Just as you start making it, get shot 

Danielle 
1. Apply peanut butter 
2. Disappear for eight months 
3. Apply jelly 
4. Disappear for eight months 
5. Eat sandwich 

Claire 
1. Mmmmmmm, peanut butter 

Darlton 
1. Make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich 
2. Have someone take a bite, then tell them it’s a baloney sandwich 
3. Make up a whole bunch of other shit, then say you had planned it all along 
4. Buy a few yachts

What a day to be a commuter that must have been.

“Albarelli spent more than a decade sifting through more than 100,000 pages of government documents and his most startling chestnut might be his claim that the intelligence community conducted aerosol tests of LSD inside the New York City subway system.”

I told you I’d be back around Latino Review.

Here’s me doing “TV” interviews with Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker (paired) and Alice Braga (solo).

Shoutouts to Nate and Phil, my paramedic friends with “dark” senses of humor.

Also, please advise if I should take the extra half an hour and apply make-up next time, because I look like death. Pale death.