May 2009
37 posts
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WatchJess Frantz and I did this video in…um?…2004?
It’s about a giant Penguin with a drug problem.
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WatchThere was quite the debate at TV Watching Club this Monday when Emily wanted to get something to eat but Ryan Grim (Thrash) insisted she should have ate what she ordered at the restaurant they were at.
This is as dramatic as my life usually is…
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The Action Figure Debacle
Basically, me already.
I’ve recently been tied up in legal troubles concerning the rights to my image, which I had little to no idea were profitable and/or desirable.
I’ll try to sum up the total experience as succinctly as possible, but Lord knows how much I love to digress in the middle of blog posts.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve wanted my own action figure. I probably could have...
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OK, Let's Get Prop 8 Out Of My System, Because The...
So California decided to go all bitchassness by not repealing Prop 8. I don’t usually like engaging with these folks who think Prop 8 is a gay/straight issue or a religion/sin issue, because it’s presented as a LEGAL ISSUE about a state letting voters VOTE ON THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS PROTECTED UNDER THE US CONSTITUTION THAT TRUMPS STATE LEGISLATION. But if they want to make it about...
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WatchGod bless the Rotten Tomatoes Show for allowing me to continue to criticize movies after my tenure seemingly ended. On the other hand, editing together my rants into something coherent is a bit of work, and the RT show is not my show, so they cut it down to the greatest hit joke/opinion.
I’m going to try to post my full review (also HERE at Current’s website) here in hopes that it...
Musical Interlude →
theecstatictruth:
The Books - Enjoy Your Worries, You May Never Have Them Again
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WatchThe Ecstatic Truth podcast (Offensive like TET?). Bullshits together.
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Fear the Sudden Stoppage: Phrases That Halt Sexual...
If there is one thing my adult mind fears more than anything else, it’s the sudden stoppage of sexual activity that I thought was going really well. I’m tempted to say that it has happened to everyone at some point and time regardless of gender: Things are going the way of your genitals, you are quickly approaching, leading up to, pushing through or finishing up your sexual encounter...
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The Grind: Woman V. Halo
[This thing was written for an online college site that focused on humor. It wasn’t College Humor, who probably would have been smart enough to sign an exclusivity agreement with me. But these folks didn’t and their site died a quick death. Even my awesome freelancing couldn’t save it.]
Women.
The very word can make me sweat cold some days. But the next day, it can make me want...
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The Grind: 30 Minutes With Porn And Music From...
[This was an old blog entry from my time reviewing pornographic DVDs as freelance work]
I didn’t realize that reviewing 2 pornographic DVDs a week would devour this much of my week and soul.
First of all, these DVDs are all well over 2 hours long, comprised of 5 or 6 scenes. Even if I wasn’t watching in a place easily seen from my oft-used front door, one man cannot get off that much.
Also, every...
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In Which I Ruin Someone's Birthday When I Fancy...
Some excellent sleep today. Feeling good about the sleep, that’s for sure.
A weekend not-so-long-ago, I went up to Sarah Lawrence with Thrash, Emily and Shelby to celebrate the birthday of a nice young woman named Lindsay. Lindsay was a Jersey girl, much like Emily and they have a plethora of inside jokes, involving the Colorado Cafes, CVS, and someone’s infamous snack cabinet.
Thrash and I went...
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Encounter On The G Train
Some black urban youth were on the G train with me this afternoon.
It was cold in Brooklyn, so I was wearing my “Universal Semen Sales” hat my mother sent me from this year’s National Western Stock Show.
Universal Semen Sales is a group that sells cow semen so you can breed your very own strong cows. Genetically perfect cows like Hitler would have bred if he didn’t get...
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Why I Avoid Being In The Same Place As Bjork
I attended the premiere of the 3D video for Bjork’s Wanderlust, her single of Volta. I spent most of my time looking to get drunk in one way or another. First, it was to get drunk to avoid the awkward moments that occur when a couple hundred uber-hipster film types get together to glad-hand and look at fancy and expensive music video props in an old boat house. That may seem specific,...
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WatchThat was one horrible sandwich.
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Buy More Shit In Chinatown Day: Year Of The Dog,...
I pressed pause on my player, but kept my headphones in so I could listen to the conversations around me. I was on my way to the Chinese New Year celebration in London’s China Town, and didn’t particularly know where I was going. I knew the general area of Chinatown because I had driven by it on a bus, and have the habit of looking out the bus windows rather than talking or listening to my fellow...
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The Tell-Tail Wag
[This article was written for a pet-themed magazine owned by a devil woman. It was not used because me and said woman did not see eye-to-eye on my job. I was employed a good 2 days.]
A young girl on a walk with her mother comes upon a dog they both recognize as belonging to a family friend. Mom asks if her daughter would like to pet the dog, but the little girl is hesitant.
“She’s friendly,” Mom...
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Red Hook Cops
[Oh ride-along fluff pieces, how pointless you are. Too short to be about a greater theme, too long to just be about the cops]
The Officers of the 76th Precinct describe their area as “quiet.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t pick a precinct with more happening” says Officer Alan Yip, in his mid-to-late 20s, as he swings the patrol car under the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. Compared to the 70th Precinct,...
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Why Emo Bands Don't Work
I wrote this essay in 2004 after listening to the entire Dashboard Confessional catalog in one misguided sitting. I’m not sure I believe all of what I thought back then, but I wasn’t far off.
I sure am glad pot isn’t legal yet, because smoking a joint and listening to some pirated music is about the only thing me and most of the anti-corporate hipsters can agree on. With their...
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WatchJess Brillhart, Lauren Simpson, DavidJr.com and I see Star Trek opening day.
E-mails On The Death Of TheBadAndUgly.com
I put up a post on The Bad And Ugly explaining this would be the last week of the site’s existence. Since then, I’ve been receiving what I can only describe as ”fan mail.”
As per usual, my narcissistic side is loving this. Though it would be much cooler if they weren’t all e-mails about how I’m about to be unemployed.
These 8 are my favorites.
E-MAIL...
My Seventh Weird Solo Album
WARNING! Site plays SOUND on ENTRY.
I suggest headphones, muting or doing this when you get home and can enjoy it.
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Now This Was Bad And Ugly
Just got the word, I will not be an employee of Crave Online come this Friday, May 8th, 2009.
I’m a little sad, but not so much for myself as for The Bad And Ugly. I tried really hard to get people to read it and to provide my own personal opinion in conjunction with movie news and rumor aggregation. The thing that makes me saddest, probably, is that no matter what interesting...
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Are We In For More Blockbuster Time Travel?
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: we’re still in a period of big studio movie making where betting tens to hundreds of millions of dollars on a wholly original concept without a built in audience is just not worth the risk involved.
In a MPAA-issued Summer Movie newsletter [PDF] released in 2006, the following facts are given about the basic finances of major motion pictures, and...
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Transverse The Distance
Alix sat me down a few days ago and asked me why I didn’t let anybody know that I was smart.
I asked her to clarify, and she sort of explained by telling me that she and Frank had talked about my past interest in physics, my getting into Princeton, and I guess other things that I’d done in my past that were considered “smart.” She said that Frank had no idea that I was...
